![]() ![]() A year and a half into my PhD (after I had just sat for my first set of exams), he told me that I was “falling behind”. My adviser is a major source of difficulty for me. Consequently I had to re-do my proposal defense, in part because of our communication issues.) I didn’t push back on this schedule until I slammed into a deadline I wasn’t prepared to meet. (They want us to finish in 5 years and I have felt very rushed by their demanding schedule, even though no one has managed that yet. I achieved candidacy, so I’ve managed to keep pressing forward despite my own mistakes and some systematic failings in my program. ![]() I know it is within my capability to finish this PhD, even if I feel I’ve wasted a lot of time and I’m no longer certain what I’ve been doing is what I want my question to be. All of that is on me to fix, and I have a therapist who is helping me build better habits and address these issues. Consequently, I have made a lot of mistakes and fallen flat on my face a lot. I struggle with anxiety/depression that leave me paralyzed when I feel I don’t have direction, and have been left largely to self-direct in a vacuum. I was hoping my adviser would be a lot more hands-on than he has turned out to be, and without any kind of structure (other than “here’s what our current grant is, do something related to this”) I have struggled to find my footing and push my way forward. I started my PhD at 23 without a Masters, so I knew it would be challenging, and I came in with a pretty huge chunk of imposter syndrome. I will try to be brief- there is a lot to unpack. I am a 4th year PhD student in a STEM subject and I feel that everything has gone off the rails, in part because my adviser and I don’t communicate well. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |